My evening visitors, if they cannot see the clock, should find the time in my face.
--Ralph Waldo Emerson

About as certain as it is that you'll feel like your babies eat more frequently than the second hand on the clock ticks is the fact that your doorbell will ring almost as frequently (and hopefully not more frequently). During this time, everyone wants to help. The problem is, not everyone's definition of help matches your own.

Lots of times people think they're helping by popping in to take care of the babies while you cook or clean. The reality is that you really need someone to do the unpleasant (and hard-on-the-body) tasks of cooking, cleaning, laundry, or grocery shopping while you feed the babies, change them, feed them again, change them again, and with any luck, sneak in a fifteen-minute nap for yourself.

Be sure to let visitors know what you need.

Traffic Control

Ask Visitors to Knock
Place a PLEASE KNOCK sign on your front door. Place it on top of or directly above or below the doorbell so there's little chance of any literate person missing it. Inevitably, you will have just gotten a baby to sleep after hours and hours of rocking, singing, and/or bouncing only to have someone ring the doorbell. Also inevitable is that this same person who is oblivious enough to ring the bell will also be oblivious enough to ring it two or three times in a row --- just in case you didn't hear it the first time (or to signal their extreme excitement).

Request Provisions
If the visitors are people who will be coming over frequently (grandparents, aunts, uncles) ask them if they wouldn't mind bringing a package of diapers or a dinner with them when they come. At this stage, it's a trade --- if you bring sustenance or other necessities, you're welcome to visit with our babies.

Be Honest
Be sure to let visitors know what you need. Don't feel obligated to give in to their needs. Let them know if you really need someone to come and do laundry or the dishes or prepare a meal since you haven't eaten in two days. Try to make it clear up-front that these visits early on aren't so much to take care of the babies as they are to take care of you, which enables you to care for the babies.

Keep Germs at Bay
Make sure everyone washes their hands before handling the babies.

Stick to Your Routine
If you've managed to create even the smallest semblance of a schedule--or even if you just want to think you have for your mental health--do not feel you should deviate from it to accommodate visitors. If the babies are napping when visitors arrive and don't wake up until after they leave, apologize and mention that you hope they'll come back when the babies are awake.

If visitors call ahead of time, let them know when you think the babies might be awake, but remember that in the early weeks, although visitors will undoubtedly want to see the babies, what you really need is help.

Take Care of Yourself
At any point, if your idea of help is just to turn your babies over to a trusted friend or family member, by all means do so. Even someone sitting with them while you take a nap might feel like the greatest vacation you've had in years.

What kinds of solutions have you employed to keep prospective visitors and yourself happy (and sane)? What funny stories do you have of others' visits after your babies were born? Please submit them to us. We'd love to post them in our Sanity Savers section.

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