by Susan Warhus, M.D.

We all wonder what's going on in our doctor's head from time to time as she appears to be listening to us ramble. Here are 10 surefire things she wishes you didn't feel the need to ask about!

I think your body is perfectly normal
Most women are self conscious about their weight or body shape. I always say that 99% of women are completely normal. There may be a less than 1% that is either absolutely gorgeous/supermodel/amazing or 500+ pounds and unable to spread her legs for the exam. Otherwise, every one else just blends in with the norm.

I hate it when you have to wait
If you have to wait, it means I'm either over-booked or had to deal with an unexpected delivery or emergency. That's very stressful for me and my staff too, and we do whatever we can to avoid this situation.

I don't like walking into your room 45 minutes after your scheduled appointment time. Every morning I start out thinking, "Today I'd like to stay on time so perhaps I can take a short lunch break or pop over to Home Depot to pick up a lightbulb." However, I wasn't expecting the woman before you to start crying about her abusive husband of 20 years when I asked her how her morning was going. And I didn't expect that my nurse would add in a long-time patient who awoke with painful urination, back pain, and a fever.

The daily schedule of a typical OB/Gyn is full of unpredictable encounters. A typical visit that should take 5-10 minutes (and is booked for 15) might take 45, and the extra counseling we give during that time could affect someone for a lifetime.

My recommendation: bring a book, computer or video game. Use your cell phone to catch up with that special someone. Don't schedule your most important business meeting of the day at 11:00 when you have a 10:30 yearly exam. Don't schedule your prenatal appointment at 2:30, when the kids get off the bus at 3:00 and it takes 15 minutes to get to the bus stop. Allow adequate time, be patient, and use waiting time productively. Always keep in mind that if your appointment is delayed because your doctor was spending extra time with a patient in need, someday you may be the one in need. When you think of it this way, it should be a good feeling to know that your doctor cares enough to make you wait!

There's almost nothing you can do or say that will shock me
From lesbian lovers with turkey basters, exotic and very personal piercings, and eating your own placenta, I've seen almost everything and it takes a lot to shock me.

I (usually) don't remember details about you or your health
While you're in the office, I have your chart containing your information right in front of me. Some docs write down additional personal information to chit chat with you during the office visit (Megan loves pizza and her dog is named Max). But when we see you out in public, there's a good chance we'll be friendly, but have absolutely no idea who you are.

I would love just a little r-e-s-p-e-c-t
Okay, most people are respectful, but those who aren't make life very difficult. I've had patients request my returning vacation flight information so they could meet me at the hospital for an induction, others have demanded their due date be a certain sentimental number (07/07/07), and one even insisted upon a certain number of staples in her C-section scar because it was a significant figure in her life. People, people, please!

I really don't want you to sue me
I truly will do my very best to care for you and your unborn baby. However, sometimes in life, bad things happen. If so, I will do my absolute best to manage the situation and also keep you and your partner well informed and part of the decision making process. Rarely, a less than perfect outcome occurs leaving you devastated. I feel sad and crushed too. It's just adding salt to the wound if and when you decide to take legal action.

I'm very tired
I have a running joke with my nurse that she doesn't know what tired is, and she's not allowed to complain of being tired in front of me. During residency, I regularly (and inhumanely) worked more than 100 waking hours per week. In private practice, it's been reduced to a wimpy 80 hours or so. It defies logic that I can even function. When I'm up all night with a delivery, I still work a full schedule the following day with morning hospital rounds and more than thirty patients in the office. That's just the system and it's very exhausting.

My job isn't what I thought it would be, but I still love taking care of you and delivering your baby
I thought it would be different once I started my own practice. I wanted to know each and every patient and their family. I wanted to send them individual holiday cards and spend lots of time with each of them during their visits. But with the way the insurance companies, hospitals, big pharmacy, and medical boards have it set up, a person can only do so much. Insurance companies don't reimburse as much as you think. The required liability malpractice premiums are now up to an outrageous $80,000 per doctor per year in my state. More in-office procedures are being done that require the expenditure of expensive medical equipment and supplies. My love of taking care of you and your unborn baby is still alive, but this other stuff is killing me!

I'm only human
I have to go to the bathroom and change my tampon, just like every other woman. When do I get to do this? Not when I'm running 45 minutes behind in the office. Not during a surgery or a delivery. It sounds silly, but this can actually become quite a problem. Also, just like you, I occasionally have arguments with my spouse or get frustrated with the traffic, etc.

I do take things personally
Despite what every self-help book says, I still seem to take things personally. How can I not when you get upset with my office or the fact that I'm late? Or you didn't like the way I did a procedure? I truly want to provide the very best health care for you and your baby. Please talk with me openly and honestly and let's work together to make the best of our relationship.

----

Dr. Susan Warhus lives in Scottsdale, AZ. She co-founded the largest all female OB practice in Arizona (Caring for Women, PC) and practiced for about 18 years. During that time, she delivered more than 3000 babies! She retired from clinical practice about three years ago because she had open heart surgery. Now she can reach a wider audience with her first book, Countdown to Baby: Answers to the 100 Most Asked Questions about Pregnancy & Childbirth.

Since then, she's published two others: Darn Good Advice Pregnancy, co-authored with David Hitch, and Fertility Demystified.

M.A.P. (Multiples Action Plan)

Short-term implementation